Critical Reflection #1 -- SM

Critical Reflection #1

A memorable experience since coming to Zambia was Josephine and Justin’s wedding last weekend. There were beautiful aspects and more unsettling ones, but overall it was an enriching experience.

The night before the wedding I walked into Josephine’s room to ask her how she was feeling. She said she didn’t know how to feel, and that she knew she should be excited but was more nervous than anything. She said she wasn’t sure she was ready to cook nshima every day and didn’t want kids within the next year but that it was out of her hands. She explained that in Zambia if you are ready to marry, socially it means you are also ready to have a child. Josephine wasn’t so sure. I felt apprehensive for her because she added that it was not up to her if she had a child or not—it was now in God’s hands.

The rest of our conversation centered around a traditional marriage class that Josephine had to take in preparation for her traditional marriage which happened in May. In the class, each woman is given a live chicken to slaughter and dismember. Once the chicken is taken apart and laid out on the table, the matron leading the class teaches the women what each part of the chicken represents. The mouth is cut off the chicken because good wives do not talk much, and only speak when they are spoken to. Additionally, the liver of the chicken when folded in half is meant to appear as the labia major and minora, to mean that when married the husband has liberty to stretch his wife’s labia until they are the length he desires. Finally, a woman is supposed to wait to shave her vagina until her wedding night, when her husband shaves it for her. Though Josephine took this class with a grain of salt and agreed to disagree with the teachings, I felt disturbed that some women might treat such things differently.

            The actual day of the wedding started far before Priyanka and I woke up, around 5am, so the bridal party could get their hair and makeup professionally done in our living room. When we woke up around 8am, everyone was made up and the living room was buzzing with activity. The chapel service was open air and there were even deer walking around the courtyard. We sat for a few minutes and then the bridal party truly arrived. The groomsmen and bridesmaids made their way down the aisle dancing to music and Josephine looked stunning. As she walked down, everyone stood up and ululated and the pastor started his sermon.

            At night we went to a lively reception full of dancing and love, and Justin and Josephine looked like they were having a blast. Overall, the wedding was a beautiful ceremony but one that gave me mixed feelings about female agency, womanhood, and gendered power dynamics. In a place where religion has such a strong hold, I realized I am not as comfortable with the unequal by-products that many major religions create. I hope Josephine and Justin have a long and happy marriage, and that women in Zambia feel more and more like they can have agency over their bodies even as they enter into marriage.